


Sleepless Nights

by newh0pe



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Force Nightmares, Force Visions, M/M, Pregnancy, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 20:14:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20315371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/newh0pe/pseuds/newh0pe
Summary: A lot weighs on the mind of an exhausted Jedi.





	Sleepless Nights

Sleep eluded the young Skywalker. The restless nights seemed to grow more frequent, despite the excitement from the pregnancy dulling. He enjoyed being in his husband’s grip: Han always laid behind him with one arm wrapped tightly above his distended midsection and the other beneath. His palm pressed firmly into Luke’s hip and massaged the area, even as sleep took him away. Luke would have felt safe if his own mind could rest, at least for a few minutes …

Hours passed -- the Jedi’s eyes were squeezed shut and his palm was pressed against his chest, feeling his heart trying to escape the confines of his ribcage. He forced the air from his lungs as Han gave him another squeeze from behind. His eyes flew open and he pushed up until he was sitting on his hip, “Han…” Luke whispered and swallowed the saliva collecting in his mouth, “I gotta…” His words seemed to trail off as he fought to free himself from the sleeping man’s grip.

Han stirred with eyes creeping open but only a groan was given before he tried to consume the pregnant man back into bed. It failed this time as Luke added, “I just have to go pee, goddammit.” Relief washed over him when he was freed but instead of padding to the washroom, he left the bedroom altogether. He paced through to the leisureroom of the Falcon, wiping away sweat and blonde strands from his rounded cheeks. It was quiet.

Way too quiet for a Jedi that couldn’t put a cap on his inner thoughts. All he could hear was the thrumming of the ship’s systems, buzzing, and beeping. The light from the television in the room could be seen from the hallway and Luke swung into the room with interest, a small smile appearing across his face when he saw Chewbecca, half-slumped on one of the couches. “Chewy?” He heard a growl-like purr in response. His smile grew wider as he prowled around the couch and found the wookie mostly sleeping, just letting out mindless noises as he drifted off.

“Chewy,” Luke repeated, “Do you want help to your room?” His words went unheard but it wasn’t like a wookie at a height of 7.5” was going to get supported by a man who stood no more than 5.5” and was waddling like a penguin under the weight of a child. He repeated the question as a hand reached up to push through shades of brown fur. A few scritches were given at the neck as the wookie’s body relaxed into actually laying down instead of trying to support himself. Further purring could be heard and it proved to be a good distraction for Luke. The sound was comforting.

Luke snorted at the gutteral sound that came out when he stopped petting his shipmate. He grabbed the blanket that rested over the back of the couch, flipping it onto the furry beast, with a puff of air coming from his nose. Nearby one of the recliners, R2-D2 was offline. Even droids had to rest sometimes, right?

As he walked by the droid, one of his hands left his midsection to slide across the top of his helm. He made his way to the cockpit, pushing blonde strands away from his face. The Jedi glanced back into the dimly-lit ship before stepping into the cockpit and taking his lover’s usual seat. He spun when the chair did, pulling his legs up onto it. His eyes glanced over the lights and buttons that decorated the control panel. They were flying on auto-pilot, on the slowest speed, which essentially meant they were floating through space until they had a destination. 

His baby blues lifted to look through the thick glass that separated him from the rest of the galaxy. This wasn’t the type of view he was exposed to growing up, and if his insides weren’t getting kicked to Tatooine and back, he might have felt relaxed. His breathing threatened to hitch until he started counting each breath, holding in the air before releasing it in a calculative manner. Both hands were now stroking his stomach, as if that would soothe the restless being inside of him.

It had never worked before.

“You’ve got to calm down, buddy …” murmured the blonde man. He swallowed the saliva that collected in his mouth and sunk deeper into the captain’s chair, “Who are you going to be when you grow up, Ben?” A deeper exhale followed, “What are you going to do?” He tilted his face against the headrest and tried closing his eyes, “I wish your grandfather were here to guide me through these feelings.”

Luke swallowed back again and rolled his shoulders, “You’re going to be good, you’re going to be so full of light, I can feel it.” His words lowered in volume. In his mind, it was “Breath in, one, two, three, breath out” as goosebumps formed on his arms and sweat dripped onto his reddened cheeks. He rolled his head again, pressing the back of it against the chair now with his eyes remaining shut. 

It was…

Breath in. One. Two. Three. Breath out.

His eyelashes fluttered as his face scrunched up suddenly. He pitched forward and inhaled sharply. 

It was…

Breath in. One. Two. Three.  
Breath in. One. Breath out. Two.

“Luke! Hey, what’s going on?!” 

Luke’s eyes flashed open in an instant when he heard his partner’s voice. His head swung in every direction when he realized he was no longer in the chair. He was on the floor, tucked in one of the corners of the cockpit. Then, Han came into his sight, on his knees in front of him. He scooped his face into his hands.  
All it took was their eyes meeting for the tears that had been building in the corners of Luke’s eyes to fall. His body trembled but he inhaled and nodded, “It’s okay-- I’m okay.” He grabbed Han’s hands and pulled them away from his face as he tried desperately to wipe away his tears, “Go back to bed, Han.”

Han’s eyebrows pushed together and his lips pursed, “What? You’re crying, Luke, I’m not just gonna ‘go back to bed’.” He seemed disgusted with the idea, “Come on, babe, what’s going on? Is it the baby again?” He twisted his hands from Luke’s and pushed his hair away from his face, attempting to tuck the strands that were just above his ears behind them. No longer did he fear “it was time” like he had foolishly asked the first time something like this happened. Now, he only feared what this pregnancy was doing to him.

Luke didn’t fight against the hands on his face any further. He leaned his head back and exhaled, “I’m fine…” A smile twisted on his weary expression, eyes closing half-way, “The baby is fine, Han, just… it wasn’t even a dream, just a feeling.” He tried to explain, reaching out to drape his arms over Han’s shoulder, knowing all too well what was to happen next.

Han shoved one arm beneath his legs and the other snuck behind his back before he took him right off the ground. Just as the Jedi had expected. He pushed his face into his shoulder and shook his head, suddenly feeling exhausted. That part was hopeful, maybe he would finally sleep, at least. The brunette carried him through the living room, dismissing the grumble and curious beep that came from the two in there.

“Luke, will you ever tell me what it is you’re seeing?” His words were soft as he entered the captain’s room, laying his lover on the bed before flopping down next to him and pulling him as close as he could manage.

Luke swallowed back as they started shifting into one of their sleeping positions, “I wish I could… I don’t even know what…” He exhaled with his eyelids feeling heavier by the second, “I don’t see anything, it’s not like the dreams or nightmares or whatever I’ve had before. This is feelings, just anger and remorse and … I just feel like something bad is…”

Han couldn’t imagine. He could never understand. One hand stroked over Luke’s stomach while he rested his head as he wrapped a leg around his and forced his head onto the same pillow as him, “Nothing bad is going to happen.” His words were firm, “Geez, Luke, I just wish I could make you believe me when I say that. There’s gotta be something I can do.”

Luke rested deeper into the warmth that surrounded him, feeling even more pleased with Han pulled a blanket over him, “It’s okay.” He reassured, “I’m just happy you’re here with me…” Silence engulfed the two as sleep passed over the pregnant man. Finally. Han, on the other hand, remained awake to watch him, looking for signs of another nightmare.

But when Luke drifted back into consciousness, not even a half hour later, a smile crossed his face, “I don’t regret this, y’know…” His Tatooine accent seemed thicker when he was in and out of sleep, “Dysphoria is a bitch, the Force is a bigger bitch--” He laughed, “But you and me? That could never be wrong. I can’t wait to meet our little Ben Solo.”

Han blinked, a bit harsher than normal, but he wasn’t one to cry. They were quick to blame the Force but maybe all these feelings that haunted Luke were normal. After all, he was… scared, he was scared too. He knew he wasn’t made to be a father. What kind of father got mad at a child that wasn’t born for his partner having morning sickness? What kind of father wants to back out at the first sign of difficulty?

He’d argue, “I’m only doing it for Luke” but he and Luke both knew that wasn’t true. He was excited. Not just for this child to stop draining all of Luke’s energy, but to actually see what he created with Luke…

Han opened his mouth to reply but Luke was already snoring again and he snorted, “I love you, Luke, and I love our child. I’m gonna do my best.” 

“I promise.”


End file.
